The shock was such as to force me to calm my jangled nerves with a large shot of something that was definitely not water.

Suitably fortified and emboldened I pulled myself together and immediately commenced utilising what remaining brain cells were available to me.

What could be done by the gentle, caring, fairminded Beverley community (no doubt as incensed by now as I was) to reverse this dastardly, misbegotten, completely out-of-proportion deed, perpetrated no doubt to achieve another easy, non-dangerous, completely meaningless point on our local constabulary’s ‘target’ figures.

Meanwhile, even as I write, poor, misbegotten, hapless, (dare I say INNOCENT) Bernie is languishing in some Hull dungeon, for God’s sake!!

Citizens of Beverley, Beverlonians all, (I’m actually Scottish but I’m sure you’ll all forgive me for an accident of birth) ARISE!!

Let us not allow this gross injustice to pass unnoticed and unrevenged.

Bernie is famous, a celebrity even. For goodness sake, he’s even in FACEBOOK...look it up under Beverley if you don’t believe me.

This man is a civic, nay, a national treasure.

He must be released back into the community immediately.

Who the heck will we find to natter to when we pass by that bench outside the Push Inn?

What will replace the dulcet tones from Bernie’ s boombox blasting forth (gently issuing) those magnificent masterworks of the rock and roll sixties?

I personally, come over all nostalgic as I tarry awhile and soak up these memorable, impromptu, free concerts.

This gentle man has put Beverley on the map, I tell you! He must not be incarcerated a moment longer!

FREE BERNIE!!

Some of you may feel this is not quite in the same league as the Free Mandela campaign but, use your imagination, it’s the principle that counts.

As to what can be done to reverse this iniquitous injustice, may I suggest the following:-

1 The braver individuals amongst us (I myself unfortunately have several previous appointments) assemble peacefully outside the Push Inn by Bernie’s favourite watering hole (the bench), and, armed with obligatory cider wrapped in brown paper, serenade the assembled multitude of fair-thinking Beavers with such classics as Bob Dylan’s The Times They Are A-Changin’, It’s Not All Over Now Babie Bernie, Like A Rolling Bernie or whatever takes your fancy (but definitely no RAP).

2 In peaceful protest, we have rotating individuals taking Bernie’s place on his favourite bench, with cider (the better-off will be permitted to consume their favourite Chardonnay or Australian red if preferred), DAB radio (better reception) and enough readies/credit card to pay any fine imposed by the local magistrates. (We’ll all chip in....promise.)

Well, apart from storming the Bastille/Hull jail that’s my suggestion.